My new years resolution

I’ve been thinking about my new years resolutions. A few days ago I had them firmly set in my head, but I’m no longer entirely sure what they were. The question that I have been wondering about is how does one arrive at new years resolutions? If one wants to set firm and achievable goals for the year, surely it’s not merely process of plucking random ideas out the great beyond.

I guess some people set their goals according to what they aspire to. Your classic blonde may set her goals after flipping through her collection of December fashion mags. Other people may set their goals after a process of introspection. The failing student may decide that long nights in the Rat may be the key to understanding his or her poor academic record, and therefore abstain from certain behaviour – ie the second drink of the evening which always leads to the third. For others the process of setting new years goals may be a far more positive process, I can imagine that Conrad has decided to redouble his efforts in the gym as he is pleased with his gradual transformation into the incredible Hulk.

As for me, well I think my new years resolutions have been affected by those around me. I recognise behaviour in some that pleases me, and that I wish to emulate, and behaviour amongst others that really bothers me. I’m not sure about all the factors that shape one’s identity, and the process could well differ between people, but I have a strong sense that my identity is shaped by what I see in others.

My years resolutions for 2009 have therefore been shaped by my reactions to other, and two people in particular; neither of whom seem to be absorbing anything from their Korean experience.

Sometimes when I’m feeling bitter and upset I wonder how close I am to viewing Korea in the same light as them. After which I redouble my efforts to accept Korea for what it is: a very different country with different smells, tastes and experiences; not all of which can simply be judged against our bank of memories from home.

I strongly believe that tastes smells and experiences, where ever one may be, exist in their own right – that is to say: we cannot simply judge Korean food, for example, against Western food and then simply discard Korean food as unlikable simply because it does not match one’s established tastes.

I’m unsure whether I am managing to express myself clearly. What I am trying to convey is more a feeling than clearly formulated idea, but I’m convinced I’m onto something. The people I like most are rarely loud and brash, they are normally slightly reserved and generally do not act with haste. These people recognise Korea as being very different, but rarely complain and when we discuss our experiences they appear more intent on understanding Korea, and their experiences, than complaining. These people strike me as both intelligent and mature, and perhaps I like them as much as I do because I feel that I can learn something from them. Perhaps if I hang around enough I might be able to sap some of their intelligence, or maybe I can leech a bit of maturity off them.

In contrast when speaking to the two individuals that I mentioned earlier, I often feel that I am dealing with dealing with two people that almost have the same maturity of children. A typical conversation with them is littered with “me’s, my’s, I’s, I don’t like this, I don’t like that”, they really rub me up the wrong way and I get nothing out of our conversations. I’m left unstimulated and I have a strong suspicion that if I spent enough time around either of the two my brain would turn to mush.

So after much thought here is my primary new years resolution, it has been strongly influenced by a number of people.

Korea is Korea: I need to accept, deal with and respect Korean culture; and I need to make a concerted effort to not merely define Korea in relation to my experiences at home.

My new years resolution will not be easy. Gaining an understanding, and coming to appreciate a foreign culture is a difficult prospect. The pay off, if I manage, though will be a happier and more mature Julian.

A new year roles around.

It seems hard to believe that 2008 has come and gone. I’ve been thinking about it over the past few days and trying to make sense of it. Was it a good year? Was it a bad year? Would I go about the year differently if I had the chance?

The jury remains out on these questions, but I certainly had some memorable experiences. I enjoyed meeting Andrew Feinstein, even if I was nervous, and would like to think that thanks to our breakfast meeting, and all the emails that we exchanged, that he will be amenable to meeting me again; or that at he will at the very least be willing to put me in contact with some people of interest. At the top of this list of people must be John Pilger who Feinstein seems to know quite well. I was privately amused to hear him tell me how he disagreed with ‘John’ about some of his ideas and that he had told him so.

Meeting Feinstein was important to me, in the end he did not offer me the research position that I had hoped he would but it was invigorating to meet one of SA’s leading intellectuals. Living in Grahamstown and attending Rhodes provided me with many invaluable opportunities to attend lectures by leading South African’s, but my meeting with Feinstein was my first opportunity to sit down and discuss topics of interest with somebody of clear intelligence and passion beyond the lecturers and professors that I had access to while at Rhodes.

So meeting Feinstein was clearly a highlight for me and, perhaps more importantly for me, doing my ‘homework’ prior to our meeting helped me get on back on track in terms of my search for a masters topic. If I think back it was almost exactly a year ago that Proffesor Maylam gave me some very encouraging feedback on long essay of about 16 000 words.

I always hated learning for exams. It always seemed like such a pointless exercise, consequently studying for exams was always both boring and frustrating and as could be expected my marks took a dip come exam time. With Prof Maylam’s encouragement and my meeting with Feinstein behind me I am looking forwards to at some point writing a masters thesis and doing well.

If meeting Feinstein was a highlight of my year then I have certainly I also had low moments. I hate the fact that I got into such a vicious fight with a friend, and that one night of ugly accusation and counter accusation ended a friendship.

I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about friends and friendship over the past year. All in all I have some amazing, supportive and inspiring friends. Almost all people would describe their friends as ‘amazing’ and ‘supportive’, to the point where the words just about lose their meaning, but how many people can claim to be ‘inspired’ by their friends? I really am lucky – and I think of all of you, all the time.

What of Korea? My home for the next nine months. It’s hard to say. I spend much of my time living on the edge of being overwhelmed. School is never easy and I only rarely feel that I fully understand what is going on around me. I felt like the bottom of my world was about to fall out from underneath me when I first realised the huge communicative difficulties that I would face with some of my co-teachers. I tried to arrive in Korea with as few assumptions as possible, but I must admit I was taken by surprise by some of the English teachers rudimentary grasp of the English language.

Still life is not all bad. I also have a couple of fantastic, motivated and supportive co-teachers with whom I can communicate easily. The kids seem to like me, and I like the kids which is important. I just feel that it is a real pity that I am unable to see the classes that I teach more often. Unfortunately I see the kids too seldomly to have a real impact. I don’t like admitting this, but it is true.

If 2009 is anything like 2008 it is going to pass by in a flash. It will be confusing and at times stressful, but at least this time I am going to earn a packet. ;)

As for new years resolutions, I don’t have any yet. I’m in no rush, 2009 has just begun.

Keep well.

Julian.